A Matter Of Discipline

1 July 2009

CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW

There are ways to get things done without screaming at your child.

HAVE you ever screamed at your child for misbehaving and later regret doing so? Many of us admit to such folly. The problem with screaming and shouting is that it makes the situation worse.

Children do not react positively to their parents’ shouting. They are the world’s greatest copycats. They would shout and scream back to get their way the moment they get a chance.

It is important to unlearn all the parenting lessons that promote full dominion over children. To do it right, you have to be that person you want your child to be. You do not want your children to act out your worst behaviour but to adopt your best behaviour.

Some families practise using “indoor” and “outdoor” voices. Parents would speak to their children as calmly as possible, no matter what the situation.

Children understand clearly that they can shout and scream outdoors because the high volume will not disturb others.

You may find it difficult to stay calm with your children at all times. Here are alternatives to screaming and shouting at them:

Bedtime

It is hard for many parents to keep their cool when it comes to getting active children to bed every night. With all that whining and fighting with siblings, it is easy for parents to yell at their children before packing them off to bed.

Many experts have suggested that setting a routine that is manageable and enjoyable for children can make bedtime a quiet and peaceful affair. Read your child’s favourite book together or cuddle up for some quiet time.

Start bedtime half an hour earlier so that children can prepare for it without the need to ask: “Can I have 10 minutes more to finish watching this show?” You can calmly say to your child:

“You have half an hour to finish this show and then it’s off to bed.”

Waking up

Wake-up time is a noisy affair in my household. My two girls are always asking for more time in bed. To make it less intense, our wake-up call usually allows for that extra time they always ask for.

Like getting children to bed, waking up has to be pleasant, something children can look forward to.

Many families have a brief family moment before starting the day. You can say a prayer or read aloud a book for less than 10 minutes. Children can also get excited over small amounts of nutritious food for breakfast instead of making them eat large servings of food they dread seeing.

Remember, the more relaxed you feel, the happier your child will be. She will wake up and get ready for the day without much fuss.

Bath time

Getting school-age children to take their baths after school often results in a shouting match between parent and child.

Children come home from school tired and stressed out. They find it difficult to unwind, just like how their parents feel after a hard day’s work. Feeling irritable, children will pick a fight over the smallest issue.

Try doing something fun together to unwind for a few short moments. When your child gets a chance to talk about her day, you may want to suggest that she can make herself feel a lot better by washing worries away.

Homework time

This is really tough on many parents, especially the ones with primary schoolchildren. The overwhelming load of homework is off-putting to any young child. So instead of screaming at your child to do his homework, you may want to help him organise a little.

Accept that your child needs your help until he can do things independently. Rather than waste your energy on yelling at him to make him do his homework, spend time finding ways to make homework bearable.

Encourage him with positive words like, “You are working hard” or “I like the way you pay attention to your homework.”

They won’t listen to me

Children will take some time before they actually know what you really want of them. Be patient. Your yelling will not yield much cooperation anyway. They need time to adjust and change their ways.

Try treating them with respect and kind words. Your children are more likely to respond better to you when you treat them fairly. They know you are patient when you control your own behaviour. Just as you accept them, they will accept your ways to please you.

It is true that parents make mistakes when it comes to managing children’s behaviour. Rather than feeling guilty, turn it into a learning opportunity.

If you are at fault, apologise and show how you admit your mistake. Your children will learn better from your example. They may want to try that honest way of correcting their mistakes.

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I agree very much on this article by Ruth Liew. I'm not sure who actually Ruth Liew is but she use to share a lot about parenting and many other issues in the star newspaper. Many people nowadays keep saying, 'Accept the changes' or 'Make a change' or 'Nowadays, people must accept changes'. Most of them who are to say all these are parents of children. They referring these statement to change the country, change the organizational behavior, change the company, and change on the way how you can treat others. But, had they ever think about changing family behavior and changing the way how they treat their children?

Why do people nowadays keep thinking about changing a big and huge organization than changing a mini tiny organization; just like family? If you can't get to change a small organization, how can you manage to change a big giant's behavior? Parents who are reading my blog, I know you will not like it, but just accept the fact that you DON'T dare to accept the changest in your family because you are afraid of losing your power in your family. Am i right?

Parents, have a moment to think about your family. Do you think that your children's behavior nowadays are more unto negative side than positive? Do you think that your children are just immitating your behavior? It doesn't matter what kind of changes or behavior you wants your child to behave, but the most important is how do you behave as a parents for your child to follow.

Don't tell your children that when you giving them negative comments, and you wants them to take your negative comments positively. If you are in their shoe, can you take it positively if they are your parents and saying what you said to them about all those negative comments? Think about it fellow parents. Change We Need!

Change yourself before you want to change your children. Think big and wide!!! To form a good family is not easy, but if you wants to destroy the family status, in just a minute the whole thing will be destroy.

FAMILY = LOVE

LOVE is not BUSINESS

FAMILY has nothing to do with BUSINESS

You can see there's an alphabet of "L" in the word of family which represents the word of LOVE. You can see there's no alphabet of "B" to stand for your business.

All the best in changing ourselves before we are to change others.

Total Childish!

Has been long I didn't update my blog. Many things happen but I don't know how to write and where to start, but I thank God that it happen. May be God let it happen because He wanted me to learn something new.

Today, my day just got ruin by some people. This week is my assignment week for my marketing. I have to do real marketing to promote of some event. I'm doing a game competition and my first and second winner will get the ticket to go to the particular event that i'm promoting for.

In the previous meetings, already some disagreement and misunderstanding happen. Everything was still in control. Today morning, there are too many things that happen. I asked for emergency meeting of the group and do a pre-post mortem for it.

It's a total disappointment in a group that the group members don't know how to behave themselves well and the whole starting of the meeting goes like a monkey enclosure; which mean shouting here and there; and i think it's worst than monkey enclosure. Oh gosh!!! All of us are in the age of the early adult age and we're still shouting here and there in the meeting. GROW UP!!!

This is what I hate to see when people just doesn't respect each other. And the worst is the people don't respect the meeting that is going on, and also don't respect those people who come for the meeting to just to see the shouting happen. What will people think of our meeting? People will say that the little kids are arguing.

As you guys who read my blog, you know I'm stressing very much on parenting and love. With this kind of character, did you ever think that one day your child will be like you shouting here and there and not respecting others? Did you ever think that you can ever become a leader to lead peoples well? Do you think that you can ever train up a person to be a better person? And lastly, do you ever think you are setting a good example for others to follow?

It's time for us to learn the growing up stage. It's time for us to practice what should be practice by an adult, and do what an adult suppose to do. It's time for us to change Malaysia into a better Malaysia and we shall now start to act professionally. IT'S A TIME TO START THE CHANGES!!!

RAT DON'T BURPS IF YOU DON'T START TO CHANGE YOURSELF!!! This is a wake up call for everyone to think about yourself and changing yourself, then we can make a bigger changest. This is a process to train us up to be professional in dealing with people in future. LEADERSHIP!!!


Dear God,
I pray that you will guide us all in things which we are suppose to do. Continue to guide us although we're walking in a wrong pathway. With your continuous guidance, we for sure can go into a right pathway again to walk in the way which you want us to walk.

Lord, teach us how to be patience. Teach us to be polite. Teach us to humble ourselves. Teach us the way to face others when others are making false accusations against us. Although we're not doing any wrong doing and we're trying to stand for ourselves, teach us the right way of humbling standing up for ourselves without hurting and disrespecting others.

For it does not matter on what religion we are, guide us and for sure one day they will come to get to know you better and confessing themselves to you. There are still many, many things which we need your guidance. Shape us like how your Son did when he was here; discipline, humble, respect, etc.. Hundres, thousands, millions of disciplines that can't even finish to name all here. Shape us, Lord. Shape us, Lord!!! Shape us into the way you want us to be and shape us into the way we are suppose to be.

I know with all your guidance, we are going to lead a successful day for everyone to see that we have a Big Papa above us to make it all a success. Make us to set a good example for others to follow.

I thank You, Lord for those unhappiness that happen. I know you want us all to learn something. I thank you Lord for whatever is happening, doesn't matter good or bad. I know for sure there's a reason behind it that you make it happen. I thank you Lord for spending Your time with us here to listen to my this prayer to you. I really thank you, thank you, thank you so, so much.

Amen!

Spare The Cane

3 June 2009 CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW

There are ways to discipline without using the cane.

A SIX-year-old boy told me that his mother used to cane him when he was naughty. His mother is a single parent with a physical disability. He was a very bright boy with a friendly disposition.

Upon hearing his plight, I told him: “You can stay away from your mother when she brings out the cane. Apologise to her and then keep away.”

He replied: “I know my mother is very angry with me. I think she feels better if I let her hit me.” Upon hearing those words, my heart went out to him.

Later, I had a long discussion with his mother. She eventually understood that she did not have to use the cane. We discussed the use of other alternatives to discipline children. She also needed someone to listen to her parenting woes. I realised she was trying her best to raise him well.

Many parents like this single parent need support in understanding their children. Parents fear that they are spoiling their children if they are not tough with them.

One mother declared that children would only stop misbehaving when they had experienced the cane. To her, children would never learn if they were not punished for their misdeeds. This is only a short-term solution.

Between the ages of two and six, children learn through their senses and through physical activities. They imitate adult behaviour but they are limited by their lack of experience and maturity. They will make mistakes before they get it right. They get frustrated easily because they want to do everything at the same time. Knowing this, adults should have reasonable expectations of them.

The magic to making it good with children at this age is to understand their developmental needs. Children do not automatically know what is right or wrong. They need parents to lovingly guide them with words of encouragement. Parents need to make an effort to take up their responsibility to teach and NOT to punish.

If parents look for faults in children, this can lead to more behavioural problems. Children need to be accepted for their strengths and weaknesses. They will be more willing to work harder when they feel loved and secure.

Take a step back and let children learn to control their behaviour as much as possible. When we correct our children all the time, we do not trust them to learn to do the right things for themselves. Many parents see discipline as an opportunity to release tension or take revenge. Children are often confused by their parents’ actions.

It is hard for the child to feel loved when he is spanked and yelled at. Parents who act harshly usually end up feeling estranged from their children because they feel guilty and ashamed.

A parent may tell his child: “I punish you because I love you. It is for your own good.” If this came from the mouth of an abusive spouse, we would condemn it without hesitation, calling it spousal abuse.

When parents teach children with love, they tend to use the right words and actions. This is more likely to last and the parent-child bond is stronger. In many families, children learn quickly how to avoid punishment, but they do not really know the right thing to do.

Parents would threaten their children for misbehaving by saying: “Don’t let me catch you doing this again or I will give you a good one.” This approach only makes the child stay away from his parents so that he does not get punished.

An angry parent can choose to move away so that she can calm down before facing the child. This way, the parent will not lose face; instead she will be setting a positive example. It is always helpful to think before acting. Parents can impress on their children their positive values when they choose to use non-punitive ways. More is gained when there is less hurting in children’s lives.

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I found this very good article from thestar newspaper about parenting. How many of your did not get cane/hit by your parents when you were small? How many of you did not get yell at from your parents when you were small? And even till now, there are still teenagers and young adults who are 18 years and older still getting yell at from the parents. Is this the right way to teach children?

From my experience, my parents cane, hit, yell at me for my own good. When I was small, i was a very naughty guy until today, i'm still a naughty guy. So when i done anything wrong when i was small such as telling lies, didn't do school's homework, or when i beat my brother, my parents will cane, beat or yell at me. And when my little brother was between 5 to 10 years old, when he ever do wrong thing then I would give him a real spanking/yelling because I was just practising what I've learn from my parents.

But now as a grow up adult, I really condemn those parents who use spanking as their tool to discipline their children. I step out to be different to make fellow youngsters realise that spanking is not the tool to discipline children, and we have other alternative to discipline children.

When child is doing a wrong thing, many parents makes mistakes by punishing them; like cane, spank, and yell at them, and they are not disciplining the child. As a child who got punishment, they will not feel love from parents nor will they avoid their parents more often just to avoid getting punish by parents.

So my dear youngsters and parents, think twice before you ever spank your children.

Zoo Negara

I've been keep telling Alice that one day I would like to bring her to our National Zoo. From time to time, she will keep asking me when will it be the time we'll go to the National Zoo as she haven't been there before. She's also interested in seeing animals. We love animals but so far I haven't really get the right person to accompany me to see and talk about things which I likes. Since she's interested in seeing animals too, animal is one of our favourite topic to talk and also keep planning on the National Zoo trip.

She had been so excited on the eve night and can't wait for the day where I'll be taking her to the National Zoo. I am excited too because I'm really animal freak and as those who know me well, you know i like exotic animal and mamals too.

I really have a good day spend together with her in the National Zoo. We manage to catch the multi-animal show too. But the multi-animal show only showed the sea lion performance and don't have any other animal doing performance. I was quite disappointed for not being able to see some animal; like fox, king cobra and penguin. I like the trip and enjoy the trip very much. I hope to pay a visit to other Zoo in Malaysia on other time like Taiping Zoo. I really enjoy so much there for being able to see animal in the National Zoo and enjoy my company so much to company me there and to enjoy it together. We both really enjoy the trip.

Our next trip will be the deer park and the bird park in K.L. =)

The leopard

Bear

This is one of the nicest scene i saw.
Did u saw the girrafe kissing the small one?

Nice viper. One of the most poisonous snake in world

Flying Fox.

The cute hippo sponsored by TV3

The sea lion performance.

Did you know sea lion can jump as high as 9 feet from the water level?

This suprised me. I thought our National Zoo wouldn't have this one but it turn our to be suprise. Coz it's a pig... But it's a wild boar. In malay we call it a forest/jungle pig. (Babi Hutan)

Crying cow.

I'm not sure what bird is this but it's really big. It's as tall as about 4feet to 4 and half feet.

Malaysia National Zoo we have Kangaroo

Alice and the swan. Nice pic...

Me and the bangau. I forgotten what it call in english

Alice and the Bangau. You realise at the back one of the bangau open it's wings?

Nice pic..

The Elephant

I will plan for my next trip to the deer park and bird park. Feel free to join me. =)

English Can Be Fun

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR,
THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world :

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD,
GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors clinic, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY
PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR
WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT
AND SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK,
AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE
STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED
COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS

Can A "Toad" Sing Well?

I was quite emo for this few weeks due to some personal reason. The biggest problem with me is hardly i can easily trust people nowadays. I have to learn to trust people around me. I'm really suffering weeks after weeks meeting with people everyday and not trusting them. I have to learn to trust people to make my life easier. I have to start making more friends and start my influence people around me to do the right thing. I have to start learning not only to have good friends but to have best friend/s around me. I just need some quiet time to heal myself. I just need my own quiet time to meditate the word of God and to practice the word of God and start telling the world how great is my God, and SOON it's He's gonna be your God.

I have nothing to do this morning, and i view through one of blog in my friends' list. I saw the same old post and i didn't bother to read the day i saw the post. I not sure why today i went read the old post and i went search on youtube about this Britain's Got Talent thingy. It really shock me when i hear her voice singing. This woman is 47 years old and her face wasn't really that pretty. Susan had been taking care of her sick mom who just passed away last year. She didn't get a chance to show the world about herself and now she got up stage to shock the world.

I think God is fair enough to create such person like her. Her face wasn't pretty at all, and the audience are looking down on her when she started to speak. You can see some audience was keep shaking their head for another nonsense fellow coming up stage. And majority of them look down and make fun of her when she talk. Even you can see the judges' faces was like "arg!!! another nonsense turning up stage to perform." When the critics Simon Cowell asked her some question, and the way this woman answer is like how a clown talks.

When she show sign to the backstage people who controlling the PA system to start the music, everyone was stunned and shocked by her voice. She have a beautiful voice of angel. Some people even name her a toad at first and calling her angel when she started to sing. It's all God's great and best of the best job by creating people like this to teach human in world "Do not judge the book by its cover."

CLICK HERE for this youtube link to see the video of Susan sings.

See God's work and his great job. And now, How Great Is Our God?


How Great Is Our God?

VERSE(1):
The splendor of a King,
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice,
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in light,
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at his voice,
And trembles at his voice

CHORUS(1):
How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see How great,
How great
Is our God

VERSE(2):
Age to age he stands
And time is in His Hands
Beginning and the End,
Beginning and the End
The Godhead, Three in one
Father, Spirit, Son
The Lion and the Lamb,
The Lion and the Lamb

CHORUS(1):
How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

CHORUS(2)
Name above all names
You are Worthy of all praise
and My heart will sing how great
Is our God
(x2)

CHORUS(1):
How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

CHORUS(1):
How great is our God,
Sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see How great,
How greatIs our God

Trust Between Young Couples

For ages i didn't share about lesson in life that i've learnt. For my blog's new reader, you can view my past posts that i used to share about life as a christian and also family's life. I've stopped sharing for such long time due to busyness in my life that i have to deal with assignments and some other part-time job.

Today, i want to share about couples that just started dating. As i see in many young couples, the first 6 months is a honeymoon months. After the first 6 months, usually young couples will face a small tiny arguements with each other dissatisfying with each other's thoughts and wants. After the 12 months of being together, bigger arguement will take place; such as getting boring with each other, complaining the partner's behavior has changed, demanding the partner especially demanding for the guy to buy flowers and ring or expensive presents or gifts in special occasion.

Now, think about it whether what i've mention above is true or not. Why do couples always in peace in the first 6 months they together and the real war starts after 12 months? Let me share with you my experience as i observed all this while.

Serious arguements or "real war" happen after the 12 months period because they started their relationship without knowing each other well. They take the first 12 months in their relationship to talk to each other more often and to know each other better. After the 12 months period, they already know each other in and out, and started to don't like each others' "real" character and behavior. Other than characteristic and behavior of each other, one of the most important tools that they started to ignore in each other is the word TRUST.

Alright, the question now is 'How can you gain your partner's trust in the relationship?' There are people keep complaining that their partner don't trust them. The partner being suspicious everything he/she is doing. The partner keep checking in and out about him/her. How can we as young couples repair the trust in our relationship?

Firstly, you have to ask yourself that 'What you had done to gain your partner's trust?' Had you just gain your partner's trust by telling your partner where are you going and who you gonna mix with and how good or how bad is your friends and that you don't mix with bad ones? If you had done that, I'll advice you to start repair your relationship now before it has holes in the ship. Of course not everything can gain by just open your mouth and talk! You have to do something to gain your partner's trust...! I have 2 important tools to gain your partner's trust; bring your partner out wherever you go and to pray together occassionally.

Many will argue that affirming your partner that you love him/her will gain the trust. But as i said, you can't gain trust just by doing your talking. My advice is that, if you tell your partner that you only mix with good friends and ignore the bad ones, then bring your partner go when you have any events; whether it's with your friends, collegues, classmates, or whoever you're meeting with. Bring your partner there not to show to your friends that you have partner, instead show your partner that you have such wonderful friends around you that your partner can trust. This will give him/her a bigger affirmation that you really love him/her and that you have great friends around you that taking good care of you, and that your partner no need to worry that you will mix with wrong company. From this point, then your partner will put a stronger trust on you. This is one of the major problems that young couples facing and that they do not understand about this problems.

Secondly, have each other's quiet time to pray together occassionally. Pray for the blessings in your relationship. After each prayer, you will feel both you a step closer and take a step to trust each other more. After prayer, both can have a talk about the relationship, and that any holes that needed to be repair in relationship. Have a good and smooth talk together to discuss any problems that you both faces in the relationship. This will get a chance to be closer and affirming each other about the love for one another. And this too will gain more trust on each other. The quiet time to spend with each other is very, very important in relationship.

Finally, i would like to wish all my blog reader all the best in each other's relationship and also in family life. Hope that my advice can help you very much in repairing your ship. Always remember that gaining trust is as simple as ABC in just bringing your partner wherever you go and have a quiet time together to pray and discuss about the problems in relationship.

I hope to share more about family life in time to comes. Feel free to comment and to give your opinion about my posts. All the best in Family Life.

God Bless!

Students' Politic

It's been ages i didn't update my blog. Has been many things happen in my life since my last blog post. I've been crazy for the president of student council post in college. Indirectly, i started to campaign for getting people to vote for me as the president in the coming election. I enjoy doing campaigning stuff, at the same time making lots lots of new friends.

Finally, I come up wit a decision, that I'm not contesting for the Student Council post. After so many things happen especially this 2 months, it let me get a clearer view on this college that the dirty games that they are playing. It let me get a clearer view on how dirty they can play.

At that point, i was thinking that i will fight to the end. If doesn't mind if they play dirty game, as long as i'm a clean one. I am here to fight for students' right. I thought i will continue fighting for the post, but unfortunately, something makes me thinking of stop contest for the post. It's not worth after all. Whether or not i am a student council, people will still know whether you're good or bad guy.

My objective to be a student council is to fight for students' right. There are too many things in college, students are afraid of lecturers, head of department, and also the management. I am here to prove to all students to have their guts to fight for themselves. If they are afraid that it will affect their status in this college, i will represent the students to fight for them.

But now, who cares whether I am a student council or not. If i'm really a reliable person that can help the students, they will still come to ask for helps no matter i'm student council or not. Anyway, what is so great of being a student council? It is to represent the students of the college/university. But if you're playing dirty games and berpakat-pakat with the management, which ground do the student of the college stand on? Who will fight for their rights?

Anyway, i'm going to help the management and the current student council to conduct the election. But, i'm not going to get involve with the future student council. Anyway, always bear in mind that if the future council need any help from me, i will do my best to help if they're in the right position. And i'm still here to help all students of this college. I'm being sent here to help students, so I will still helping regardless who am I or what position I'm holding in the college.

Just bear in mind that one advice from me... Don't ever play politic with me.